Traveling with Rainman

So, the innocent will remain nameless. I drove with someone to their hotel today (from LA to Dallas) and they were cracking me up. Literally, everyone on I-635 was called some obscenity. It was like the part in the exorcist where the girl is thrashing and walking backwards in a back bend up and down the stairs. Hilarious....not to mention that my 2 1/2 month old was screaming his lungs out for the 3 hour drive. We stopped at Dairy Palace....they have taken down their 4-H pictures of the children that raised cows, goats, pigs, etc...and now the walls are semi-empty. I always found it odd that in a place that served beef and pork that there were pictures of 4-H kids hugging the animals that were about to be slaughtered. Perhaps PETA found out about ole'Dairy Palace. Love the corn fritters my sis-in-law introduced me too. As if the stench of tattoos and white trash wasn't enough, the Deegster (my baby love) decided to take a massive dump in Dairy Palace. Yumm-o as that hoe Rach Ray says. I used to be in 4-H...I was the secretary of the 4-H in 5th grade, kind of funny since the only affiliation I truly had with 4-H was the fact that as a child I looked just like a stuffed pig before it was about to be eaten. Put an apple in my little fat ass mouth and I was good to go. A girl once asked me....don't you have any REAL pants other than stretch pants. Update, that girl had hairy monkey arms and became addicted to crack cocaine in high school. Ahhh, karma. I'm not sure why they let me in 4-H, I guess I had that 4-H look....not a compliment. No offense to any 4-H'ers but I should not have been let into your prestigious organization. The only animal (besides the one my mom had euthanized after I only had it 2 days...all b/c it peed on her floor...God rest Kim's soul...that was her name) I ever had I threw out the back door when she scratched my couch. Her name was lil'Kim and my husbands friend was getting rid of her. I decided it was time to get a pet and even decorated her closet with Sarah Jessica Parker and Puff Daddy magazine cutouts....oh, and little yarn and balls....well, it wasn't enough. Poor lil' Kim is selling her body on the streets of Denton....the worst is that I lied to my cat loving friend and told her Lil'Kim ran away. Soon after I met a girl whom I actually named "THE CAT LADY".....she had 8 cats and weighed a good 285 and every time we went somewhere she left cat hair in my car. She even had posters with cats that said....Hang in There, and a pillow that said "PURR-fect". WTF! I thought I would be her friend b/c one day in sociology class she invited me to go shopping during the Christmas season. She said she was great to shop with b/c she had a black market handicapped tag. What more could a girl ask for? So, I went and all we did was shop for cat stuff and candles....thinking the candles were to mask the cat piss smell at her house. Soon after, she asked me to be her roommate....but fearing I would never ever get any action, I had to politely decline. Oh, the good old days.